i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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