dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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