Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
