I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
