when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
