The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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