Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
