My balls are so social today.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
