So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
