She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize