While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize