she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
