Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
