I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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