Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize