dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
