wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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