It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
