I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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