the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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