its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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