Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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