btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
