I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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