I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize