last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
