i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
