you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
