Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
