bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
