if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
