it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
