I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
