...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
