No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
