You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
