if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Where is the hickey?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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