I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
