i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
