we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
