I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
