lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
