Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
