I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize