did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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