This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
