guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
