ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
