She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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