I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
