He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
