glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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