Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize