Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize