need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
