She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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