so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
