Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
