Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
