I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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