she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize