guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
