Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
