My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This girl is more easily done than said...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
