I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
