just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
