apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
