i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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