he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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