One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
