I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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