Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
