i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
