I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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