You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize