Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
